Only the introduction is available online, but in the Straits Times today there is an article on domestic violence in Singapore. It emphasises that domestic violence affects people across all levels of education and income. According to the article, spousal abuse in which men hurt their wives in the privacy of their homes remains the most common form of family violence in Singapore.

The article also highlights the experiences of Ms Mary Tan, who for more than 30 years endured abuse at the hands of her husband, including frequent beatings and marital rape – once preceded by him forcing her to drink his urine.

Do get a copy of the Straits Times and read the full article if you have the chance.

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Someone has kindly emailed us to let us know that the Her World feature on marital rape is now available online. Here is an excerpt:

Our marriage was on the rocks because I had just discovered that he had been cheating on me with different women for years. And his ongoing infidelity was slowly ripping us apart with frequent quarrels and scuffles.

One night, he started touching my body, as he always did when he wanted sex.

But sex was the last thing on earth I wanted at the time – I wasn’t even sure exactly how many women he had been with. So I pushed him away. He tried again. And I pushed him away again.

That was when he became frustrated. He climbed on top of me and pressed me down roughly. I struggled but he was stronger than me. He kissed me all over and started to force himself on me.

I was helpless.

When he was done, he simply rolled over to his side of the bed and went to sleep, leaving me feeling traumatised.

Do read the whole thing.

We also recommend getting a hard copy as the feature contains additional information, for example about international approaches to marital rape. It’s appropriate to reward Her World for their coverage of this important issues by buying their magazine.

p.s. Please consider leaving some supportive comments at the site, to encourage the brave woman who shared her story!

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Earlier this week, the New Paper reported on yet another woman’s account of marital rape:

“My feelings for him died and I didn’t want to have sex with him any more. But he never took no for an answer,” she said.

When she left the marital home, he called her repeatedly to cajole her to return home.

“He said he wanted me to come home to look after the children.

I told him that I would come home only if we had no more relations as husband and wife. He said okay,” she said.

But once she was home, he allegedly went back on his word and forced himself on her again and again. [...]

Lili said she told her husband repeatedly that she wanted a divorce.

But he never agreed to it and continued to force himself on her, she alleged. [...]

“I don’t want to go back to that way of life again, with him forcing himself on me whenever he felt like it. I’m desperate and depressed.”

The article, headlined “Evil hubby or sex addict?”, contains speculation as to whether the husband in question has an addiction to sex.

Committing rape is not in itself necssarily a sign of sex addiction, and someone need not be a sex addict in order to commit rape. The only thing required to become a rapist is the choice to commit rape: to disrespect the wishes of someone else regarding very sensitive areas of their body, and to force yourself upon them without their consent.

In our view, all diagnosed sex addicts – those who commit sexual violence, as well as those who do not – may require medical and other assistance to deal with their condition. At the same time, all rapists – those who are sex addicts, as well as those who are not – should be held accountable for the acts of violence they perpetrate by sexually penetrating unwilling victims.

It is unhelpful to divide those who commit rape into two supposedly exclusive groups of the “evil” and “sex addicts”. Some may be sex addicts, and those need help. But all commit an act of violence, and that act demands strong societal condemnation.

As we have argued before, the criminal law is not the only appropriate response to cases of marital rape, but it needs to be there as one step among many.

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November’s issue of Her World is now available at newsstands, and it includes an in-depth interview with a woman who was raped by her husband multiple times. We’re very glad that Her World has chosen to highlight this important issue. Do buy a copy!

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